On Family
And Honorary
Aunts & Uncles

Growing up in the 60's, life was simple and oh so very different than it is today. Divorce was rare, "stepfamily" was word that wast was foreign to us and a holiday or birthday meant a homemade cake and a simple backyard barbeque. For the most part, extended family lived nearby and you new and recognized each and every cousin. One of your cousins was probably your best friend. Just about all your friends had two parents, brothers and sisters, two sets of grandparents, and tons of aunts, uncles & cousins. Summers lasted for at least 1/2 of the year - or so it seemed, and Christmas lasted a from December 24 til New Years Day and included Christmas Dinner at a grandparents house, and visits to each and every aunt & uncles home and hours spent with cousins and the new toys Santa brought them.

Fast forward forty something years and the life that I knew as a child is no longer. Cap and I were both married once and each brought 3 older children to the relationship. Neither of us have living grandparents, and my own dad passed away 25 years ago. We rarely see our the majority of our own aunts, uncles & cousins save for funerals & family reunions. Many of our brothers & sisters live in different states. and others for reasons totally unknown to us, have chosen not to be involved in our lives. Sadly, even a few our own now adult married children have chosen to not include us in their lives.

Enter JR (and hopefully H3 soon). Where does all this leave him? "Extended family" as we knew it, simply doesn't exist. The dictionary defines it as:
n.
1. A family group that consists of parents, children, and other close relatives, often living in close proximity.
2. A group of relatives, such as those of three generations, who live in close geographic proximity rather than under the same roof.

Clearly neither of these definitions describe the family JR has so exactly what does that mean to him? Well, they say you can't choose your family but I beg to differ. I can and I do choose. When Cap & I decided to marry, we chose each other, and when the ceremony was over, two families were blended to become one. We chose to adopt children to raise together, and chose our sons. And while one son stil hasn't come home to us yet, in our hearts he became ours on the very second we learned of his existence. We choose to surround JR with people who love us, and want to be involved in our lives. JR is not biologically related to any of the family members he knows and loves, yet the bond that ties us all is strong and will not be broken.

Some of the closest family he knows are what is referred to as "honorary Aunts & Uncles". Close friends of ours who choose to love him unconditionally. They are people who love him first, without asking/caring whether he gets good grades in Preschool, picks up his toys, and before checking to see if he did his chores today. They bring him special little surprises when they visit for no reason other than the fact they love him, and remember him with cards and small gifts on holidays and special occasions. They give him a cookie or two without asking whether he ate all his dinner, and will play that extra game of chutes and ladders when mommy and poppa are too tired. The love and sharing between him & these Aunts & Uncles is a combination of warmth, doting, pride, care & concern. I can't imagine depriving JR of these relationships, and we are so grateful to have friends who love him this way. When these honorary aunt or uncle shows love to our child, it is a clear expression of their love for us - so you see, everyone gains from the experience. Some of the most precious memories we have as a family have been times shared with such people - close friends who became Aunts & Uncles when we brought JR home.

And to that end, we spent the weekend on the boat with one such pair of relatives - JR's Aunt Toni & Uncle Bill. Close friends of ours who have loved him from the very second they first laid eyes on him, and who remain instrumental in his upbringing. We hadn't seen them since last summer, since they had moved to St. Maarten, but now due to health problems in their family, they are in the process of moving back to the States. Seeing JR interact with Auntie & Uncle all weekend, and witnessing the unconditional love that goes both way, we know without a doubt, the importance of family. Family, whether chosen, or biological is as necessary as the air we breathe and should never be taken for granted. Adults who will sit with him for hours while he flies a kite, or blow bubbles for him to shoot with his water gun are priceless, and for them we are thankful. Family is not defined by bloodline and biology is the least of what makes a family. It is by choice we become a family - first in our hearts, and ultimately in our being...