Either somebody is telling me something

or I'm delusional! Either way, I'm confused!

This is one VERY long post - so bail now if you're not up for it because it's not only long, my thoughts are often side-tracked and confusing...

Since we got news last week that we have 10 documents to get to the judge by 2 September, H3 has been on my mind constantly. Morning, noon, night. I think about him, travelling back to bet with him, missing yet another birthday, our lack of communication once we do bring him home, etc. etc. etc. Over the weekend some strange events have added to my confusion. Here are the facts:

You might bee surprised that this is NOT the norm, despite the fact we have been waiting to bring him home for more than 3.5 years, H3 is not on my mind constantly. Make no mistake, he is never far from my thoughts, but he's generally pushed just far enough back to keep me physically, emotionally & spiritually able to function. It would be way to easy to just let my whole life revolve around our efforts to get him home - but, the reality is, I have a husband, a 5 year-old, and various other family members who need their part of me too. So for the sake of survival and obligation to my family, I cannot, and have not, let it consume me.

That being said, another fact. I almost never dream of H3. In fact, I think I only had one dream about him - maybe 2, but that would be tops. I'm not sure why, especially since other PAP (Prospective adoptive Parents) in my online support groups dream about their precious children often.

Fact #3; In the 4 years (almost) JR has been home, we have been unable to locate any other kids nearby - boy or girls - who were also adopted from Russia. There is a group North of Boston that meets a few times a year, but it's not the same as having a child interact one-on-one with another child who shares the same heritage. Knowing & taking great pride in his heritage is very important to us, and we go out of our way to expose him to as much Russian culture as we can.

Okay, those facts being made known, I'll tell you about our weekend. It is rare that we don't don't go to the boat for a whole weekend in the summer. We are almost ALWAYS there, until the last 3 weeks. 3 weekends ago, JR & Cap had their camping adventure, so we didn't go on Fri & Sat, and then the weather was rainy on Sunday, so we opted not to. The following weekend we went for a few hours on Saturday only, since Gram was staying with us, and she doesn't love the boat. On Sunday we had our church picnic, so that day was a no-go. We figured we'd go during the week (last week) to make up for lost time, but we ended up having a horrible week weather-wise, plus, we learned about the paperwork for Russia on Tuesday, and it has been a race to finish ever since. Poor Cap works from 7 a.m. to mid-night, every day, looking for a new job and completing dossier paperwork. Come Friday we were still knee deep in paperwork, plus, my darned washing machine decided it was too tired to go on any longer. Dead. It was old, BUT, not what we needed to spend money on at this point. So, Cap went to the local Sears outlet. They sell all sears appliances that are either scratch & dents, returns, or models that have been replaced. They offer HUGE discounts. We got a kitchen stove there once that looked bad because the drawer under the stove was lopsided. Cap looked at it and quickly knew it was just because it was assembled incorrectly. We paid a little more than 1/2 the retail price was in the regular Sears. He brought it home, spent 20 minutes re-assembling, and we had a perfect stove!

Okay, back to the washer. He brought it home in his truck (since the stuff is cheap, they don't deliver) and had LTD help him get it in the laundry room. They hooked it up, started the cycle to clean the drum before doing any real laundry and to make sure it worked fine. Well it didn't. It wouldn't drain or spin. The drum was cracked apparently. It was 9:30 at night on Friday. Poor guy had to manually drain the water, wring out the old towels he had been using to test it, and then get help loading it back on the truck. Sat. he went to return it, and came home with a really nice, electronic model, for the same price. I guess the saleswoman felt bad for him!

The remainder of Saturday was spent travelling to Boston to get more paperwork signed and notarized. We were supposed to go to the Cape for my nephew's 1st birthday, but THAT didn't happen! By the time we got home for the city, we were tired, in every sense of the word, and miraculously, the sun was out for the first time in a week. We decided to go to the boat for the night, and figured we'd be home the next morning, since the forecast again was for thunderstorms. Normally, we'd stay on the boat anyway, but with so much paperwork and job hunting to do....you know...

If you haven't already lost interest, here's the point of this post! Just getting on the boat seemed to calmed us. That's what I love about the boat, it truly cures whatever ails ya! So we spent the rest of the day just doing nothing - well nothing except for playing on the beach with JR and taking the dog back and forth to the "dog beach" for potty runs. Other than that, we just kicked back. JR went to sleep early & easily, and we have a quiet night in the cove. Somehow we slept til 8:00, all of us. This was a great treat. Even better, the weatherman was once again wrong and at least for the time being, the sun was bright, and the beach beckoned. JR quickly found friends to play with, and we took turns supervising him, and relaxing on the sand. Mid-afternoon one of JR's new playmates had to leave. His mother was calling him and like JR, he played deaf. Only when she walked close to us to call him again, did I detect an accent. When the child still pretended not to hear, she began calling him very loudly - in a language that sounded like Russian. Hmmmm. Finally the child's hearing was restored and he came to his mother, who told him to say thank you and good-bye to JR. I was sure at this point that the woman was Russian, so told JR., in turn, to say good-bye to his friend - in Russian. He then turned to them and said Pa-ka without hesitating. She looked at him and said with a smile, you speak Russian, yes? Before I could answer, he told her "My name is JR" in Russian. I explained that he was born in Russia and was learning the language. She was very pleased and told us they lived south of Boston, but were visiting family on the Island. She told us she was from Moscow, and her husband, St. Petersburg. She also told JR that her son spoke Russian fluently, and that she was impressed by how well he spoke, and was learning the language. While the adults chatted, the boys played a few more minutes. Mostly, JR was asking his friend how to say this and that in Russian, listening carefully as he pronounced the words/phrases.

This of course is not earth shattering, but it was great for JR to experience. The rest of the afternoon (which turned out to be BEAUTIFUL) I kept thinking about the chance encounter, H3's journey, and our lives. I spoke with God about our situation. I told him that while there is so much uncertainty in our lives, I knew I had to trust him to reveal to me what his plans are - not only for me, but for Cap and his job, H3, and JR, who desperately wants a brother! I opened up my heart and told God that this unconditionally trust was somewhat new to me, and asked for a sign that we are headed where he wants us. Not long after, Cap fell upon one of the best Quahoaging spots he's ever found there! He was scooping up 6, 8, 10 of 'em at once! In no time, his basket was full! Hmmm, is this God's way of assuring us he will provide for those who put their faith in him??

When we got home late last night, I was tired, and slept easily. During the night, however, I had the most vivid dream. I dreamt that I was surprised by a phone call, and was told to come to Russia for H3. No court battle, no drama, nothing. I went and they placed him in my arms. I was ecstatic! I was also a little confused. It was clearly my sweet little boy, BUT, he was a baby. A baby with no clothes other than what he had on. I spent hours (in my dream that is trying to buy clothes for him - explaining that I didn't expect him to come home so soon, and was caught off guard. It was one of those dreams that you wish can last forever. And then I woke up.

I still believe that everything happens as it should - perhaps not the way WE want it to - but the way God intends. I believe H3 will come right on time - according to God's plan that is. I believe that Cap's employment lies in his hands as well, and that his job was terminated for a purpose. Not a company-based purpose, but for a very specific purpose that God has. I continue to trust him. I continue to fight off the urge to panic over the fact that Cap still has not found a job and is becoming discouraged. I also am very much welcome to signs that our luck is changing! I'm not sure that happened this weekend, but I know I want to believe it is so...and that's just what I'm gonna do!